funny

I love my nose but sometimes it’s size truly gets in my way and in those times I truly need a break or so it seemed.  The first time I can remember such a break was when I was playing football in college and made this amazing sack of the quarterback unfortunately the quarterbacks arm and my nose didn’t agree.  My nose also doesn’t like very clean windows as can be attested at the local tanning saloon. I found out that they use peanut oil to create an illusion of tanning and was ready to leave unfortunately my exit was blocked by a clear wall of glass which my “Super” nose couldn’t get through but tried to crack the code. It was quite embarrassing not only for my nose but my entire being. It’s great to have a larger nose because you can smell things that others might ignore but with great noses comes greater responsibility. You might be able to smell those bed of roses but those pricks really do hurt.

Not me (for now)

      Monday! Monday! Monday!  Nobody else is cheering I guess it’s Tuesday; nope it’s still Monday and I didn’t win the lottery. Before you throw that hot Monday coffee at me (you’ll never get up) let me explain. It’s the start of a new week and who knows what it will bring. I’m sure they’ll be some new headaches to bear and pains in the derriare but G-D willing they’ll will be times of success, productivity, and happiness. Monday is also the time to prove to yourself and your boss that you’re ready to earn that next weekend. It’s the time when you’re little breaks really count and the special few moments you see with friends and family truly are significant because you’re truly under the clock. Monday is also only five days away from Friday, Friday, Friday.  So let’s sing together Monday, Monday, Monday okay I’ll sing alone. 

   You might believe you know what’s in and around your house but you truly know nothing until you have hired a dog investigating team. The great thing about such a team is they only work for biscuits and bones yet what they discover will amaze you.  From your missing socks (they might hide them initially) to that report you were supposed to hand in a month ago, the dog investigators are on the case.  Exterior work is their specialty as they locate all those disgusting items you never knew or wanted to know existed in your backyard yet will help you find that specially flower you’ve missed in your life.  The team also can be hired to help you find that special person in your life that the dating services haven’t been able to locate. Dog Investigators on the case and ready to be walked.

   A recent article posted that plants have the ability to feel and sense things around them could we be on the verge of discovering that vegetables can think and if so would Vegan’s starve?  For most Vegan’s this discovery would add plants to the list of the items they couldn’t eat and I’m pretty sure that you can’t eat live on rocks and water alone.  Plus if they were to discover that living organism suffered an untimely death by drinking water (ask Mr. Diatom) what would a Vegan due?  I don’t mean to make light of my Vegan friends (okay maybe a little) because I truly respect their integrity and beliefs but you got to admit this could create quite a dilemma. Maybe boiled rocks isn’t so bad afterwards.

Compared to where others stand I guess I have a good life but I just feel there’s something I’m missing.  I guess I should be grateful for being adopted by loving parents from a past that felt like I was contained in a cage. Many of my other friends have spent their entire life in such situations. Just a quick background for the purpose of this blog call me Mrs. C and note that it’s hard for me to focus. Oh can it be! I’m so excited! Sorry I thought I found my special toy. Anyway here are a just a few ways my life is different then my sister and brother.

(1) I HAVE NO CLOTHES unless you count one raincoat. It’s not like I’m cold or anything it’s just when I go outside sometimes I would like to wear something other then my birthday suit. I guess I get my business done quickly this way.

(2) ON GOOD DAYS I EAT SCRAPS. It’s not that I’m complaining (I guess it is) but everyone else is eating a lavish meal and sometimes they’ll throw me a bone or something. I could use something now my stomach is turning.

(3) I NEVER CONTROL THE REMOTE CONTROL. Maybe just maybe there’s a show I want to watch. Probably not there so long but some of those commercials look delicious. I’m thinking with my stomach again it’s amazing I keep such a fine body.

(4) I…… found it! It’s really here! My little ball! I can’t believe it! Paradise awaits!

I’m truly grateful for the President for showing me that errors and mistakes are best to be ignored. I’m still working on overcoming my guilt problems but by following the President example I know I can truly feel free to commit any act and just smile along the way.  Here are just a few ways that the President has shown me the path.

(1)   I used to have deep regrets when I purchased an item from my business that didn’t sell but if the President doesn’t worry about the extra trillion here or there why should I be so concerned.

(2) It troubled me when my involvement in a conflict didn’t work out the way I expected but my problems were with individual people while his are with countries (Iraq, Israel, Germany) and if it wasn’t any skin off his back well why should it bother me.

(3) It used to ruin my day when I got a speedy ticket for breaking the law but if the President get bend a rule here or there why shouldn’t that speedy ticket really bother me.

(4) Guilt would bring me down during vacation time because I felt I’d leave my responsibilities behind yet the President’s ability to not miss a putt or fundraiser during a crisis has relieved me from this stress.

Therefore I want to thank the President who has helped demonstrate you can be a complete failure and still feel good about yourself.

IT’S OKAY WE’VE ALL DONE IT.

Let’s face it we all have those silly little television shows or music that we’re embarrassed to admit that we like. Maybe the confession will hurt us with the “cool kids” or “cool adults” but today I start my own confession. Feel free to join me it’s quite refreshing to let it out while others continue to feel they have to hide their pleasures behind closed doors. Remember it’s not murder just a slow killing of your brain. 

(1) Gilligan’s Island– Simplistic character, simplistic story and 1/2 hour of great brain freeze time.

(2) Bay City Rollers– S-A-T-U-R Night- Yes I was caught up in the initial mania but at least it helped me spell.

(3) Welcome Back Kotter– The jokes were just the start of a great lousy show.

(4) Sponge Bob– This one I don’t feel so guilty about I heard it’s one of the most popular shows in college (for those that are high)

(5) One Direction- Yes it’s contrived but still the harmony brings it home especially when my mind feels empty.

I’d continue but there is a great episode of the “Brady Bunch” when Peter throws a ball in the house. What drama I wonder what’s going to happen?

Maybe the dogs have it right. While we struggle to change the world in our own way a dog simple takes one person or dog at a time.  While we work hours on end to find just the right dish to make a dog will eat …. (well maybe it’s good to be  little picky).  We often look for a deep conversation while a dog wants just to have fun and expects nothing more then hug or simple touch.  Many people will spend their salaries trying to keep up with the Jones-es while a dog wants to just follow it’s own tail.   I know we all have our roles in life but sometimes it’s good to think like a dog.  Don’t worry I’ll still use the toilet.