funny

THIS IS HOW I FEEL EXCEPT MY EARS ARE SMALLER

I always wear my PJ’s to bed but usually find myself naked upon closing my eyes.  I’m not literally naked but it sure feels that way as I walk to stores and then realize I forgot my clothes. I can’t imagine how come I keep having these reoccurring dreams, although I might tend to lose my phone or keys the pants haven’t been a problem, accept when the eyes shut.  Last night I’m naked with my family  outside on a street corner. The strangest part is nobody even notices.  I  tell my wife it’s her responsibility to make sure I don’t walk outside naked but I’d think I could remember this especially with a cold wind.  I’m the type of person who wears thermals as soon as the temperature goes below 40 degrees so why and I’m so comforting being naked then.  I found a solution though I’m going to bring an extra pair of clothes to bed one for the real world and one for the dream world.

He loved it (and the banana)   He doesn’t like jewish humor/   He didn’t get it

WARNING-This is a 2nd hand joke I got from my Rabbi with a few un kosher additions)

A man asks his neighbor if he could use his apartment to do the wash since his machine broke down. The man says of course but I have a Pit Bull named “Spot” that you can pet but please, please ignore whatever my parrot says.  The man agrees and brings the wash over. He pets Spot and proceeds to put in the wash when the parrot speaks  ” Hey what are you crazy you can’t mix the white’s and colors”. The man ignores the parrot yet the parrot continues “Those underwear are disgusting don’t you ever wipe your butt”. The man takes a deep breath and exhales but the parrot won’t shut up “You’re wife is going to leave you ha ha”. The man explodes ” You stupid parrot at least I’m free you’re locked up in that cage and…” The man smiles as he feels he’s got his revenge the parrot responds with only 3 words” . “Kill Spot Kill”.

Today I feel like the last man standing. I don’t know whether I’m brave, crazy, or did I just look out my door but I’m going for it. I’m sorry Uncle Governor but I’m daring the elements, I’m battling every news station in NY and get this attempting to go to work. I know they were closing roads and Plainview was coming to an end but it really doesn’t look that bad from my front porch. So I will attempt this arduous task and if I succeed I will be at work if not I’ll take off the rest of the day like I’m supposed too. What can I say I guess it’s the Rebel nature in me (it really didn’t look so bad) . If  I don’t make it out the door please tell my family and friends that I love them and just like the brave chipmunk “I say go on without me”

It’s hard enough to figure out table manners in America now I have to have to worry about world customs.  I have to worry about the dollar, airport security and now table manners I think I’ll just stay home. Hey does anyone know which fork I should use to eat salad?

Click to see table manners from around the world

There was a great deal of bad news that occurred since President Obama took over as President whether it be his signature legislation Obama Cares/Affordable Care failures, the NSA’s spying on America etc but there still is a way you can get stimulated by the President. I guarantee even the most ardent critic of the President will see a brighter side (click to find)

Click to see how you can Obama can truly make you happy

WARNING: Just like the initially high many received after his inauguration there will be a quick a sudden fall after reality checks in.

I just opened my door and it appears those annoying white flakes (not from my hair) are coming down.  I know they’re fun to play with for those young and young at heart but it appears my car will not be as happy. Anyway enjoy the snow while I attempt to drive through it.  Oh one on weather report item I believe you should wear a jacket and gloves now can I become a Metrologist?

I

think G-D invented Dogs to teach us how to treat others. Now I don’t mean we should go up and pet our friends everyday although a petting on my head today wouldn’t be so bad. Instead it is important that we realize the importance of human touch from one person to another.  In today’s society where we have sexualized everything it’s difficult to get that friendly hug or tap on the back without someone thinking something’s sexually going on. Maybe we should all pretend we’re on a baseball team and… forget that I don’t enjoy the tap on the butt.  I think I’ve discovered a solution though (below)

   I do have a solution every December 30th is “Dog Day”. The first year will be for those with brown eyes when a person looks at your with his/her brown eyes you have to pet them. You can also rub their belly but that’s only if you’re very close.   We will rotate petting people according to which eye color is chosen for the year.  This way we can truly be excited about New Years Eve especially when our color comes up.

Everyday I spend a great deal of time with the same individuals but never learn their name.  I usually call them “Buddy” or “Hey You” but I’m pretty confident that isn’t their name.  How do I ask for there name after hanging out with them for a long period of time? It got so bad that I invited a “Hey You” to my party but don’t know what to call him when he gets here. They say you need to repeat someone’s name twice to remember it but what happens if you never got there name in the first place?  I’ve been told that you have to connect there name to a picture, that’s easy if the person name is blimp and their fat but how about Joe or David? This year I pledge to work harder at memorizing people’s names or getting them to change there name to “Hey You 2”  no I think I’ll just keep it “Hey You” I’ll forget the 2.

I wish children didn’t go to school.  Home schooling is fine though.  Driving to work was paradise today even Al Gore would be proud.  My carbon footprint is at least half of what it was last week.  I can see the political commercials today  “Bud Rebel wants to stop your children from going to school” but that is far from the truth.  I just want them and their teachers to wait till I get to work or move schools far away from my route to work.   Before the ad copy is actually made try to get a sense of humor they’ll be on special after X-Mas.