funny

Today my business is open a 1/2 day for Martin Luther King Day, it’s my birthday, my son is moving to college but still I feel guilty about not showing up for work. In 26 years of work I’ve only had not taken a full sick (accept when I was in the hospital with Pancreatitis), went to work after my son was delivered, drove to work in hurricanes, blizzards and even on my previous B-days.  I can’t tell you every second of my day at work is dedicated to the business at hand but I have to breathe sometimes. Lunch break is never more then 10 minutes (okay 15 but that’s when Carnegie comes to town).  This is silly I’m not going to feel guilty it’s only a half day I’m going to relax and not think about work and…. (that’s after I call in and check the emails and… this is hopeless)

THAT’S SOME TAIL

The world would be a simpler place if we only had a tail.  We could know right away if someone was attracted to us or wanted us to walk away just by looking at their tail unless they were looking at the guy across the hall. We could itch that annoying spot on our back where are hands don’t go. If we trained our tail well it could probably close the door after we left

Having a tail wouldn’t be all paradise.   There would have to be new types of pants and skirts that would allow our tail to come out.  A tail would also be annoying to wash and style.  It also would be another spot that bugs could bite.  How the hell would you cover your tail in the winter  not to mention getting around those tough corners. Now that I think about it I think I’ll skip the tail at least for now but wings would be great.

No I’m not on drugs it’s just I couldn’t go to sleep last night

Let me tell you a fisherman’s story that tops them all. A fish that is unlike any fish you’ve every seen (and will ever see)

YOU CALL THAT A FISH!

Click to find something you truly should have on your hook

Now I need my time machine.

Here is an example (below) of how bloated government spends billions of your dollars on useless expenditures that get inflated over time.  I think they could use a hand instead.

THIS STORY IS FOR THOSE OVER 18.

Click to see an expenditure that just grew and grew

If it wasn’t true it would be funny

Even Clint get rid of this one.

This is a question that has boggled my mind. A question I’m sure many thousands if not millions have spent numerous hours trying to figure out.  How do you get rid of an old broken down garbage can?

Okay for you geniuses out there answer me this. You can’t leave the old can out with the trash because the “Sanitation Engineer” will just leave it there. You can try to take to pass it off to your neighbor because even you’re nastiest neighbor will return it back to you.  How about shredding it … how about not?  The truth is old garbage can’s never die you might think you ready to get rid of them but just like Jason they will come back.  Reality can stink especially when it’s an old garbage can

Wouldn’t it be great to have a soundtrack in your life?  Every event in your life would sound like you walked on water. Can you imagine the excitement you would get from getting that annoying toe nailed clipped or making it to work after mounds of traffic. You would also be pre warned when that evil, jealous person was just around the corner and slip to the next street.  Most importantly you could make sure you hit the emotional pitch during life events whether it be that extra tear or extra “Wow”… Now that I think about it a Director might be helpful as well.

I’m sorry to embarrass you.

I guess I forgot to take an extra pair of clothes to bed last night because I had another naked dream but this time their was no excuse because it occurred at work.  I actually felt cold at work. To make matters worse when I finally found my clothes I only put on my shirt.  What did I think I was a cartoon “Where’s the pants”?  If I’m going to have a naked dream it should be a bit more fun… right? Thank G-D it was only a dream and I can go to work realizing…. where’s is my wallet?