funny

Yesterday I went to the gym but that was nothing compared to the “Woodbury Commons Exercise“.  I didn’t know that I was going to take this exercise program until an hour after my arrival when I realized I couldn’t find the parking lot that my car was stationed in. We kept thinking we were getting closer to a break time and then realized we were going the wrong way. I apologize if this appears prejudice but once you look at one store at Woodbury Commons they all appear the same.   It took me over 10,000 steps to find my lost vehicle which has to compare to a couple of miles on the step master or cycle.  So the next time you want to get a great buy on some items and want to exercise at the same time leave your mind in the car and go to Woodbury Commons.

I know I shouldn’t be writing this because I know that one day she won’t be so bright or something will go wrong but she’s perfect.  The first time we got together I was a bit confused because there is so much going on but as the days went by I understood her depth and it’s beautiful. It’s amazing how much life she has!  I never realized it could be these good!  Sometimes you hold on too long and ignore the beauty that is right around the corner.  I worry though that she will just drop away someday or as the years go by my eyes might wander again to another. Yet for now I can declare that these five days with Samsung Galaxy have been perfect.

   We’ve been together for over 2 years but last night I left her.  It was hard because we’ve spent almost everyday together sharing in those special moments in our lives (maybe mine)  but lately I lost interest in her.  Yes, it’s true that someone else came in my life and who knows whether I would have stuck with her if this special one wasn’t there for me but she is so why should I feel guilty? She’s brighter and even a bit larger but boy can she do things that I never thought were possible. It’s probably for the better because she’ll find someone who truly appreciates her more.   So goodbye Android 4 I’ve moved up to Android 5.

I might just be an alien!  There are times when I speak and nobody appears to understand what I’m saying. It might be a joke that I’ve heard others laugh at but when it comes out of my mouth my alien voice comes out instead. My alien voice might come out when a conversation is going on and my mind goes back to the planet only to return with some remark that is truly foreign. Sometimes my alien voice will just start a conversation by saying things like “Have a nice day” when it’s the evening.  I guess where I come from the evenings are the morning.  My confessional should clarify my words in the future ” have a nice winter”.

Don’t let the cute look fool you my dog is a bully. I don’t know why but he picks fights with all the neighbors dogs. Maybe it’s his upbringing before he was in our hands or maybe he just wants to proof he’s small but still tough, all I know is other dogs walk on the other street when it he comes walking down.  It’s amazing we’re still friends because I was the one of the other dogs … I mean person who would walk on the other side when the school bully passed.  I just hope it’s a phase he’s going through and once he realizes he’s not so big and tough that he’ll lick and sniff instead of bark at his four legged friends. Can’t  all four legged friends get along.

If you really want to get that punch to get you going nothing works better then bad coffee.  When you’re going on a long trip and you’re eyelids are beginning to get heavy just the thought of another sip of that bad coffee can wake you up.  It works similar to bad tasting medicine, the worse it taste the faster you mind helps you recover.  So from now on I’ll keep that good tasting cup but not far from it will be the emergency bad tasting cup.

She might be the greatest vacuum cleaner I‘ve ever had the only problem is after she picks up the garbage she goes to lick me.  It’s amazing what my 4 legged friend finds delicious whether it be paper clips, plastic or even food. This vacuum cleaner never has a bag to throw out although I see the return in other ways that aren’t very helpful.  I know that she is there to keep the floor & desk clean so I work extra hard to make sure that this task isn’t needed and the returns are basically food derivatives.  My little vacuum cleaner never needs to be plugged in or recharged and she’s ready to go anytime.   This is the only vacuum cleaner I’ll never sell and work hard to keep her job to a minimum even if it means buying a new vacuum.

I consider myself quite logical, where most of my decisions are based on the facts but when it comes to my dog I must admit illogical thinking rules the day.  For there never is a day when I don’t feel a little bad about leaving my dog even though the dog has never held a grudge.  Deep inside I fear the day when I come home and the dog will walk the other way out of disdain for my earlier decision.  It is true that in the past my previous dogs have left me “unpleasant surprises” upon my return but they still have been as happy to see me as if I had never left.  I fear that this illogical thinking will never go away and I’ll continue to pamper my pouch for ever more or at least until she/he finally holds a grudge.

You think your day was stressful well buddy you have no idea.  From the moment I awake to the moment I try to get some shut eye stress pounds on my heart. I have to worry where you’re going and worry when you will get home. Every noise during that time could be you coming home earlier or an intruder trying to take us away.  It’s not just the stress of worrying about you but whether I’m worthy of a Scooby Snack. Yes I know I can sit and roll over but sometimes it appears you just don’t care or have something else on your mine.  You can relax when that “machine” goes off but I have to worry because it’s my job to protect you from it or run away very quickly.  So enjoy another stress less day I’ll continue to worry for you and while you’re at it can you bring me an extra bone.