funny

Here (below) are some deep animal questions that many have thought about but have they been answered? You will ponder about these answers at least until you have a real question.

(1) Do monkey’s throw banana peels on the ground so another monkey will trip?

(2) Which cheese to mouse’s prefer Cheddar or Swiss?

(3) If an alligator had a choice to eat a man or a woman what would it be?

(4) Did a lobster every find a way to escape a boiling pot of water?

(5) When a deer sees another deer hit by a car does it warn his friends to go the opposite way?

I’m willing to sell my loyalty to a sports team with a few exceptions. It can’t be for a football, baseball, basketball , or hockey team but soccer, or Polo is just fine.  I’ll even where the apparel but it must be 100 % cotton … okay I’ll settle for an 80/20 split. Singing team sports spirits songs is included in the deal with a lifetime agreement. This deal can be made for a mere $10,000 with a $2,000 signing bonus. Think about you could have my team loyalty for life at this bargain price and that is before I become a big star or at least attempt to be one.

I won the Powerball 310.5 Million … well almost. The truth is I had those numbers in my head and was just about to buy the ticket but then I forget to buy the ticket or was it the numbers?  If only I had remembered to pick up that ticket instead of picking up the Milk I would have enough Milk for the entire neighborhood for life today.  The numbers were in my head I’m just not exactly sure what day I had them in that brain of mine. Oh well at least I know I could have won if I just bought the tickets with the right numbers. Now where is that dollar?

I’m about to rush out the door but trying to squeeze an extra minute out of this blog. What is the one item I will forget before leaving my house?

(1) My keys

(2) The coffee

(3) Galaxy Droid- NO!!!

(3) or the thing between my shoulders

I thought she’d never leave and then in an instant she was gone.  My mind feared that she was being held by another whisper soft nothings in her ear. How could she be gone? Why would she leave? We spent almost every hour together going to places I never took anyone else.  Maybe as of late I wasn’t paying attention to her when I let another speak to her yet how would I know it  would lead to this.  It’s incredible because while others would move on to another I stayed loyal to her.

Wait…I think I see her coming back!  Oh Samsung Galaxy S5 let us not separate again…   Wow did you get a look at that IPhone 7 pretty hot.  What can I say I’m just a guy.

I guess  “Fear of the Walking Dead” is getting to me so I want the Presidential candidates to come up with policies to deal with a zombie apocalypse.  Currently some of the policies that they are talking about have as realistic chance of passing anyway (throwing out 11 million illegal aliens, making abortion illegal in rape and incest cases etc) so why not deal with the up and coming zombie problem.  Here are a few proposals (below) that I would add to this policy paper.

(1) TIE SNEAKERS OR SHOES (found this on Facebook not sure if friend or zombie adviser) Every person who dies is buried in shoes or sneakers with their shoelaces tied together. Zombies trip easily.

(2) BUILD A WALL- A huge wall around cemeteries with shooting guards should make sure we keep illegal dead from rising.

(3) DEPORT- If someone is found to be a zombie they are automatically deported. I would suggest too a large corn maze even those with brains can’t get out of those.

(4) ABORT ZOMBIE BABIES- I’m a 100 % Pro-Life but if you’re going to give rise to the undead I’m sorry but we have to keep that dead.

(5) CLUB FOOT- Every person has the foot broken or amputated. How fast can you walk with one foot.

(6) GUNS FOR EVERYONE- Zombies really don’t have the ability to shoot so we don’t have to worry about these guns going in the wrong hands and with a zombie apocalypse we all need to be protected. Please note this disbursement will only occur when a zombie resides in the White House …. wait then.

I probably shouldn’t reveal this and hopefully this blog won’t go viral but if you want to push my buttons keep me waiting.  Thank G-D I found Kindle and my smart phone for a moment they delay my reaction but the longer I wait the more steam rises to my head and finally I just explode.   Patience is a virtue but one that I can’t wait to have.