funny

There’s a new gang out there that you can’t mess with their turf and although their in hiding (some better then others) there bad reputation is spreading among those in the four legged community.  Of course those in such a community have heard the occasional bark when one enters but this tag team will put the bite in effect as well. Just as when seems to make peace with the tail the other will grab it.   So before you bring your four legs down this neck of the woods/house be warned they’ll becoming for you and without their disguise.

I have my cape and am ready to save the world if I could just find my pants. Well maybe not save the world but bring some bold innovative idea to my business if I could just find the keys to get there.  The ideas are just bubbling out if I could just find my cell phone or pen to write them down. The truth is I’m great at the big picture but sometimes those little items (ex paint brush or even paint) might have been forgotten along the way. Lately though I’ve gotten it all together it’s all right in my pants which I left downstairs or was it the bathroom? I guess I’ll save the world in a few more minutes the bad guys will just have to wait.

What would happen if we licked 1st?  Would it upset the balance of nature? Would dogs pet us instead? Maybe we would learn to fetch and sit. I’m not saying any man or woman should do this because there must be a bible verse against such an act but I’m just curious how this might change our dog person relationship.  You can say curiosity got us in trouble with the whole apple situation but I’m not sure growing a tail as a result would be such a bad penalty.  To conclude I don’t recommend licking your dog but if you do please put it on periscope or youtube.com because it would be sick but hysterical.

People Magazine has named David Beckham  sexiest man alive but I’m not sure if they knew me and Howard Stern were still alive. Look Howard has the hair but I have the hat. Come to think of it my butt isn’t bad as well and I may not have a six pack but can drink one isn’t that sexy? Who needs a small nose when you have a sexy large nose and you know what that means hey now. So I say/write to “People” magazine it’s time to expand the search for sexiest man and consider all those sexy men who are under the radar or who flew right by it. For sexy is in the eye of the beholder and sometimes it’s best to close an eye or two.

The question is “This” or “That”?  If I spend too much time doing  “This” will I have enough time to “That”.  Should I just forget about “That” and do “This” instead or maybe split 50 % with “This and 50 %  doing “That”.  Yet if I’m truly good at “That” but not as good at “This” then maybe I should stop wasting my time with “This”?  I don’t know about you but I’m thoroughly confused.

Many times we feel sorry for the squeaking and painful cries of a rat/mouse caught in a trap but with the “Mouse/Rat Keep Out Sign” our conscious can be clear or we can say so.  This sign will have pictures of what Mr. & Mrs Rat will encounter should they continue on their journey and have an arrow pointed to the the nearest exit.   The “sign” can be placed at their eye level so they can’t complain about not seeing it.  This sign comes in neon lights so it can be read in the dark.  The “Mouse/Rat Keep Out Sign” finally an excuse to kill those bastards…. by the way they could be a reincarnation of Hitler or Stalin.

How many Bananas have I killed while they have been trusted in my hands? These wonderful fruits that have died before their time all because I didn’t understand. Yet is ignorance any excuse for this destruction? If those pesky flies didn’t appear I still would have had “Banana Murder” all over the place. For those pesky Flies taught me to refrigerate  my Banana’s and by so doing extending their life’s for days if not a week.  How many Banana deaths are on your hands?  It’s time we extend their life’s, I’ve learned my lesson will you?  Refrigerate your Banana’s and you too will allow their life to be more fruitful.

There are times when I can make people lose it as if they were a bunch of apes.  These “Jerry Seinfeld” times occur when I least expect it when a simple joke can make others howl with laughter way past the punch line. It usually occurs when I’m either extremely relaxed in my settings a bit tipsy or bored with what is occurring.  If only I can turn it on more frequently  Chiquita Banana’s would have me as their spokesman.

Sometimes (often) our family doesn’t see let’s say eye to eye but there is one factor that brings us all together and it isn’t that we’re all human (sometimes I wonder). It is our love of our “beloved Met’s”, which usually  doesn’t make it  past the summer but this year we are taking it to October as we enter the “World Series” together.  The Met’s clobbered the Cubs 8-3 in the final game of the series last night taking their trip to the World starting next week.  Which means another week of family unity that is unless someone decided to speak about something else.