Author Archives Bruce

I would make Al Gore proud but for all the wrong reasons. Don’t get me wrong I want to keep the earth nice and green but the personal decisions I have made in my life have helped the other green as well (see below).

(1) SOLAR PANELS- I have solar panels on my house which lower my carbon footprint yet the the real reason I put them up is they lower the other green. As these panels were put up for free and cost me nothing to operate just save me monies with lower energy bills.

(2) SOLAR GENERATOR- This also continues to lower my carbon footprint as it takes solar energy from the day and utilized it at night saving me green in both directions. It also is off the grid so during a blackout our house will be lighted up.

(3) TESLA-  I’m very close to purchasing this vehicle (not as close as Tesla wants it to be) which will make my Carbon Footprint ten times lower then Mr. Gore. Yet the real reason is  G-D willing this car will pay for itself in less then 10 years with lower maintenance costs (oil changes need not apply) and no trips to the gas station.

(4) LESS COW- I’ve reduced my intake of meat as a whole which should produce less of the other type of gas and is recommended by the green scientist as well as the doctors who say this is good for your heart. It also makes my Rabbi happy by making sure the right cow goes down the pipeline.

(5) NO PRIVATE JETS- The cost to the environment is not my main concern but the cost to my wallet.

I totally forgot your birthday will you forgive me? What actually excuse do I have since I’m with you almost everyday to remind me.  It must really hurt to because they’re aren’t so many others in your life that would actually know of this special date.  Yet for some reason I believe you have let this one go for you have treated me the same as you did yesterday. Good thing that time licks away such memories.

With a Google on your phone and in your computer let alone your stand alone device it’s confusing which google you’re speaking to when you say “Ok”?  One Google might be offended but it’s not my fault when everyone has the exact name.  Let’s put it simple whoever responds to my voice 1st wins and the others can just shut up.  I’m sorry to be rude but next time tell your developer to change your names and then everyone will have the chance to truly be “Ok”.

A long time ago before adults were the only ones who possessed a cell people actually lived by the words “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”. It was a time when you had to toughen up your skin to deal with the harsh arrows of words that came you’re way and would actually be embarrassed if you couldn’t deal with them by yourself.  This was a time when if someone made an advance that you didn’t want you’d actually tell them and not be offended by the “normal words” that came with such thoughts.  Imagine a time if you can when people could say stupid, silly, irreverent things and the thought police wouldn’t come and stop them. It’s ancient history but maybe we should start reading that book again.

Your friends might have the regular Tattoo’s or Piercing but you have a BEDTAT. That’s right the only Tattoo designed by the help of those artistic creatures. Add a bit of the standard tattoo features such as color/lines and you have something that everybody in the neighborhood will want. A BEDTAT will be put together with our specially trained Bed Bugs or you can start with the mark they have already left you in your own bed.  It’s time that you truly stand alone with a BEDTAT.  Warning you might truly be standing alone when it is shown.

FOOTNOTE– This is a joke … I hope.

When I wake up at exactly 6:48 I should feel alive even if I put my head down at 6:47 … well that might be pushing it a few hours or so.  For 6+4+8 = 18  which represents LIFE in the Jewish faith and when someone gets up at that number they better feel ALIVE! That is why I force myself to jump out of bed (or crawl) when such an exact time occurs no matter what my bedtime was the night before. Of course 7:47 would be a lot nicer but hitting those numbers is a way to make sure I start out on the right foot even if it still feels asleep.