You’ve screwed up and you see know why anybody can truly forgive you but most likely you’re creator has opened the door. Just the feeling of sorrow may let G-D wipe away the tear. Here are just a few that have probably made more serious screw ups and been forgiven.
(1) President’s/Leaders who have made decisions that resulted in the deaths of more innocent people then lives saved.
(2) Leaders in business/governmental departments who’s blatant acts of selfishness has lead to the loss of income or purpose of those they were put in charge of.
(3) Those that built the golden calf or sat staring at this idol after just receiving literally the word of G-D.
The truth is if your alive and in relatively good health therefore you have an opportunity to wipe the board clean in G-D’s eye’s with doing your best to making amends with those that you hurt and walking on a different path. Yet knowing that your forgiven from the gravest consequence can help lead you to true redemption. Remember it’s not late and you are on the path of total forgiveness.