In most circumstances it’s best to tell others directly how you feel. Of course during that conversation you should use tact and try to frame the points you are making in a positive light, at least in the end. For example you might say “I tell you this because I love you and believe you will be more successful if you take my advise”. Yet there are times when you might feel you have to talk behind someone’s back. In these examples listed below BACKER = the person that you talk because you can’t speak to the person directly.
(1) If the person is to sensitive and your comments will only cause them grief and won’t change their behavior.
(2) When the person has shown a tendency to violent reaction to criticism or taken an extremely defensive position.
(3) If a “Backer” has a better relationship with the individual you are speaking about and therefore might truly be able to effect change in their behavior.
(4)When a behavior continues to occur over and over again even after you’ve spoken to the individual about the problem.
(5) If a behavior is causing you to feel that you’re going to explode and you need an empathic voice to vent those feelings.