I didn’t cheat just ended up in a different realm, right? For, one dip in the lake brought me to a world where I actually was married to my previous love of my life even though before the dip, I hadn’t seen her for over 25 years. She lived with this form of me in a whole different realm and now this was my world and my old one had been waved away. Now to decide if this lake is worth diving into again?
All of a sudden, I’m drifting where no man wants to go beyond. The “dead space” of conversation has just occurred out of nowhere as if I suddenly was shot into orbit. I feel lost and don’t know how to return yet just a moment ago my feet were fully grounded as the words flowed like a river. It was so enjoyable that I took it for granted that it would end. Maybe another conversation will bring me back to earth but for now I’m lost in space.
I started out not so “pretty” but if you waited, well let’s say I aged well. Those that didn’t see my inner beauty from the beginning never understood where I was going yet this one person did and allowed me to sprout into something truly special. I would have probably rotted in a tree if he didn’t pick me up and allow me to grow into who I am now. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and also just might ripen with age.
She’s left my room but is still in my head. It might be wrong but for the moment feels awfully right. The truth is logically she would never live up to the emotions that encapsulate my mind but let’s face it dreaming is wonderful. For, it is a perfect vision that in reality has many flaws. Yet this infatuation feels just right even though it might be just the opposite.
I’ve been in my world for as long as I can measure. For, after my toddler years the world of others ended. I’m not sure what exactly it was maybe some nuclear attack or something but since I’ve been able to walk and actually measure an item nobody else has joined me. Some how I was destine to exist while others left me their material possessions. Grocery stores, movie theatres, libraries have been all in my name until I met others. It’s weird having company as I wonder what is okay to do alone now?
Acting is more real as the full range of my emotions are not only allowed but asked for in a performance. I can actually express happiness to the point of euphoria without worrying others will look at M-E in a way that’s less than a standing ovation. My anger does not have to be checked at the door but can be the force that slams it. Insanity can be explored without a psychiatrist prescription. Yes, acting is real in a way that I’m sorry to say life sometimes is not.
I’m acting and the world really is my stage. It’s just sometimes I’d really like to be “real”. Always pretending that what interests you interests M-E can be quite daunting since many an activity makes my eyes get heavy. Appearing calm and steady when my pot is boiling is really an actor’s performance that I deserve an Oscar especially since you’re the one boiling my pot. I memorize my lines as an “active listener to the point that I feel as if I’m a broken record. My pretend phase is so good that sometimes I start to believe it. Yes, I love acting but once in awhile being real would give me the standing ovation I need for my “real” heart and soul.
I now have 6 but one can be eaten. That’s right my chicken finger is surgically attached to my hand just in case I get stuck on a dessert island or just famished. Once I finish eating this finger another one is grown in place for my next meal. It’s actually not grown but kept along for the journey. I can even replace it with other meats but what really beats Chicken. What might seem strange to others is delicious to me.
FOOTNOTE- Do you know someone who would have this procedure and if so would it just be one or an entire new hand?
Maybe we should look at mental health through a spectrum of colors not just black and white. For, there are times within a lifetime. that many of the symptoms of the sickness appear in some decree in all of us. Sometimes we are a bit more sluggish and go through most of the day, just going through the motions even if our motions lag behind. Anxiety can become overwhelming in certain circumstances especially where our exaggerated fears appear. These fears can even be a bit psychotic as they never really come to pass. Yet in the end those who don’t have the label go through our spectrums without thinking too much of the decree while those with the label continue have to think about it all the time.
It was the greatest day I had in months, and it started it with deciding to spoil myself. That’s right I decided to splurge and go to Denny’s yet with this walker I worried maybe I was living too much at the edge. That is until an angel came and helped me not only get my stroller but with those heavy front doors. I thought my day couldn’t get better but some anonymous individual paid for a heaping of delicious hush puppies. Kindness really makes a difference.
My day was moving in the wrong direction until helping a wonderful lady of young spirit changed it all. Just a little task of helping her with the walker and the door made her so grateful that it changed the entire protectory of my day. I couldn’t leave it there so anonymously bought her a bunch of hush puppies. I never realized helping someone could feel so good but when it’s a wonderful woman like this giving is the only way to go.