Here are some notes to avoid, address, and, if needed, end a conflict with a partner who may not know how to do so.
MIDST OF ONE
- I won’t be spoken to like that
- I don’t need to justify myself to you
- The conversation is over for now; we can revisit it later.
- That’s not the way I see it
- That’s what I chose
ENDING OF FIGHTS
- I’m sorry for hurting you (You did hurt them even if it wasn’t your goal in anyway)
- I agree the subject needs to be addressed
- Would you like to provide a solution
- That was helpful (Even if it really wasn’t)
- What did you hear?
- How can we unwrap this
- Please help me understand why you think that way
- I’m glad we spoke about this
- That sounds frustrationg
- So what you’re saying (active listening)
- It sounds like you feel
- I understand why you’d feel hurt
- What made you think that way
- Can you walk me through what happened from your side
PREVENTING THE BLOWUP
- I may not fully understand your concern. Can you help me see it from your perspective?
- I hear what you’re saying. Can you tell me more about what made you feel that way?
JEALOUSY
- I understand this worries you, and I want to be clear about what’s happening.
- I love you and I’m committed to us but I also need time with friends and family to feel balanced.
- I hear that you’re worried. Can you help me understand what’s making you feel this way right now?
- I care for you deeply, and I also need to take care of myself
- I understand you worry when you don’t know my plans, but I need some time alone. Sometimes, to recharge. This doesn’t mean anything is wrong between us.
- I want to share with you, but I also need privacy about certain parts of my life, just like you do
- I understand this is worrying you, and I care about how you feel, but I also want to focus on what is actually happening right now.
REPEATING
- We talked about this before and I’ve answered you honestly I love you and I’m here for you but I don’t want us to keep circling the same fear.