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Here are some notes to avoid, address, and, if needed, end a conflict with a partner who may not know how to do so.

MIDST OF ONE

1. I won’t be spoken to like that
2. I don’t need to justify myself to you
3. The conversation is over for now; we can revisit it later.
4. That’s not the way I see it
5. That’s what I chose

ENDING OF FIGHTS

1. I’m sorry for hurting you (You did hurt them even if it wasn’t your goal in anyway)
2. I agree the subject needs to be addressed
3. Would you like to provide a solution
4. That was helpful (Even if it really wasn’t)
5. What did you hear?
6. How can we unwrap this
7. Please help me understand why you think that way
8. I’m glad we spoke about this
9. That sounds frustrating
10. So what you’re saying  (active listening)
11.  It sounds like you feel
12. I understand why you’d feel hurt
13. What made you think that way
14. Can you walk me through what happened from your side
15. I understand you feel hurt and mistrustful right now but I assure my intentions were never meant to hurt you.

PREVENTING THE BLOWUP

1. I may not fully understand your concern. Can you help me see it from your perspective?
2. I hear what you’re saying. Can you tell me more about what made you feel that way?

JEALOUSY 

1. I understand this worries you, and I want to be clear about what’s happening.
2. I love you and I’m committed to us but I also need time with friends and family to feel balanced.
3. I hear that you’re worried. Can you help me understand what’s making you feel this way right now?
4. I care for you deeply, and I also need to take care of myself
5. I understand you worry when you don’t know my plans, but I need some time alone. Sometimes, to recharge. This doesn’t mean anything is wrong between us.
6. I want to share with you, but I also need privacy about certain parts of my life, just like you do
7. I understand this is worrying you, and I care about how you feel, but I also want to focus on what is actually happening right now.
8. I hear you that sounds really tough. I’m here with you.
9.  I can see you feel upset and understand why you might feel that way. However there truly is nothing for you to worry about.
10. I have nothing to hide, and I want to assure you everything is out in the open. Let’s talk about what is making you feel unsure.

SAFE QUESTIONS

1. Can you help me understand why you might feel that way?

2. Can you help me understand the root of the fear and/or suspicion?

3. Please let me know why you thought I was untruthful?

REPEATING

1. We talked about this before and I’ve answered you honestly I love you and I’m here for you but I don’t want us to keep circling the same fear.
2. I understand that you’re feeling worried but I don’t think this conversation is going to help right now.
3. I  think we both need some time to this and cool down.  Let’s take a break and revisit the discussion when we’re both in a better place emotionally

HEALING

1. Self Care- It’s important to take care of your needs and ways to expel negative energies in a non toxic way maybe arts, exercise and prayer can play a bigger role.
2. Celebrating small wins ” I’m proud of…”
3. Showing empathy without judgement
4. Listening without distraction
5.  Small hobbies
6. Share a light personal detail and invite them to share as well.
7.  Ask if there in the mood for a deeper conversation.
8. Small gestures maybe felt deeper then bigger acts (light touch, simple message “I’m here for you, you matter to me”
9. Thank you for sharing your truth
10. How can I help you feel more secure in our relationship going forward>
11. What would you need from me to feel reassured?

THERAPY

1. I think you deserve a place where you can talk freely without judgement
2. A counselor could give you the tools to make stressful events a bit less so.