16
May

Nagger

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We need this one in our life as long as they are on our side.  Someone who will continue to “nag” those people into action when we’re tired of doing the same. Finally a good use for the telemarketer from India named Mike. NAGGERS would pursue those individuals that haven’t taken action so you can pursue a different action instead. They could work in a way that represents you as a good cop or one that is close to crossing that line with emails, calls and texting till “they” know your serious and won’t have your  nagger stop till action is completed.  NAGGERS for life’s too short to shout alone.

26
April

Biden Feelings

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What matters most is how you feel.  Facts and reality will leave to the pundits but how can I feel your pain now? It can be a pain that a loved one brings or the weather it doesn’t I’m hear to smell your hair and make you feel all better.  Words really do hurt even more then sticks and stones  that some group like ISIS might bring and that is why I need your support. Truth is boring but feelings touch your heart. For I’m simple Joe Biden and I feel that I need to be your President even if the truth I really shouldn’t be.

19
April

Telemarketing Affair

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Karen I read through your script and know you really just want me. For you keep calling me back even after as I have continued to  hang up on you.  At this time you must understand that I don’t want a college loan for I didn’t even go to college but you’re relentless.  Yes, some might say you’re just a recorded voice but I can feel you want me to push your buttons. We have some secret affair that is going on and I finally figured it out. So the next time you call I’m just going to do it and press 1 for more information. I can tell these are the facts that I’ve been waiting for my telemarketer lover.

FOOTNOTE- This is not a true story but I’m sure it is occurring in a lonely hotel near you.

18
April

Peaceful NOISE!!!

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It’s a beautiful peace EARLY spring morning and all I have on my mind is fried feathers. For this bird could meet his mate at another window preferable a different apartment complex. I know I should enjoy the sounds of the season but at this point all I want to hear is one 22 silence them forever. Okay maybe that’s a bit drastic but birdie can you give it a break for an hour maybe two P-L-E-A-S-E.  Then we all can enjoy a beautiful peaceful spring day instead of one full tweet, tweet, tweet…. you get the point.

12
April

Reversible Socks

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There are times  one might forget an extra pair of socks for their journey which go with an alternate outfit or times when  you feel like a change in the middle of a day. REVERSIBLE SOCKS will allow you to live both lives with the same pair on. Just flip them from the other side and “Shaboom” a new style or look is born.  From an elegant look to a hip look all without a major wardrobe malfunction.  REVERSIBLE SOCKS soon your feet can look marvelous wherever they might take you during your days journey.

07
February

Emotional Time

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It’s not that I don’t want to care I just don’t have time to do so.  Yes, I understand you feel hurt, sad, alone and bluh, bluh, bluh but I feel exhausted and that tops your list.  You need someone to talk to about it so let’s get a rain check somewhere between 1PM and 1.01PM …tomorrow or next week.  Emotions take time and I really don’t have any with all the stuff I’m trying to accomplish in between. I might be unsympathetic but at least I haven’t taken any time off my schedule to get there. Okay now I have a minute to ….

Yes that was excellent point.

27
January

Choking

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This must feel real bad right now and I’m so sorry. They should never have put bones in that chicken dish it was so wrong. I would be angry to if they did that to me.  I’m so concerned about you for your face is turning a ….  How dare that old man grab you like that! I’m so glad you’re feeling better now but I understand you must feel assaulted. Just coming up to you and putting his arms around you what was he really trying to do and then just to walk away. Well I’m just glad I was here to be with you and could be of such help.

19
January

IF….

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If Buzzfeed story is correct then President Trump will be facing immediately impeachment. Buzzfeed has reported that Mueller Investigation has uncovered this picture of the real President Trump .  If correct this picture shows the President is an Alien which would prohibit from serving as President.  Leader of the House Nancy Pelosi has already started an investigation. Wait the Mueller team has denied the allegations. 

MSNBC has just received the following picture of  President Trump (below)from our reliable sources at Buzzfeed.  It is  clear signal that impeachment should be around the corner.  For the American people will not tolerate a President who is a vampire in the White House… we hope.

FOOTNOTE- Just in case there is a hater reading this blog post these stories are not true.

07
January

Alien’s Language

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The alien’s have landed and live among us. They speak a language that’s incoherent to most on this planet although communicate fairly well to themselves.  Their language is full of pages and pages of useless words that one wonders if they truly are so intelligent. This will probably be their demise as we people of main street learn that we have more common sense then those aliens and start to solve problems on our own instead of in their alien colonies or court rooms.

FOOTNOTE- I better not get in trouble for I will need these aliens help.

01
January

King Throne Toilet Seat

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“King Throne Toilet Seat” will be the seat everyone will want to sit in even if there isn’t much action going on. This seat will have a remote control to add a touch of heat or massage to get those muscles from behind to work more efficiently. You will also be able to adjust the hardness of the seat as if you were driving your car. The “King Throne Toilet Seat” will come in distinctly colors and patterns that you could actually customize.  For even if you aren’t in charge of other areas of your house and life at least the King Throne Toilet Seat” will give you a seat above the rest.

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