funny

I’m willing to consider many a different point of view but if you want the toilet seat up there is no room for compromise! Yes I’m a guy with all the equipment in the right place (last I checked) and I still demand the toilet seat down.  For it takes less then a second or two for our shooting requirements and nobody wants to look at this water (except Spot).  Just think about what could be escaping after we’ve done our business even with a flush, have you heard of germs?  Maybe it’s my Caitlyn side but leaving the toilet seat up is just plain nasty, so why do so many woman perform this “manly act”?  I guess in a sense we all want to upset the opposite sex even if we’re acting in opposition to our parts.

Before you accept that lick first ask where that tongue has been?  If it’s been with the baby faces well then you’ll feel like a kid all day but if it’s been with those feet don’t complain if you smell a little funky. That tongue has gone to places you never dreamed of some of them  fantasizes while others nightmares.  Yet can you truly resist a kiss from your four legged friend even if it is over a bit over or under the top… I don’t think so.

If the mystery must be solved call the dog detective,the only problem is you must speak  “Bark”. For these  detectives will thoroughly search through every blade of grass to solve your problem even if you didn’t know you had one. A matter of fact they will continue this search day after day after… (you get the point). It is amazing how such detective work goes on in rain and snow cold and heat until they’ve discovered  the one item you never knew you were missing such as the  stick left on the ground or some  trash left on the side. The dog detectives are ready to get to work just bring a leech.

You have planned this event for months and everything appears to be just right until Ha, Ha Ha.  Sorry I didn’t mean to laugh but nothing goes exactly as planned. Therefore the key to determine if someone is truly successful is how to deal with the unplanned events that occur on the spot. When suddenly out of know-where  something or someone pops up…

You can decide to ignore that image/person but can you really? If instead you can incorporate that shock into your plans as if it was supposed to occur then everything will be just fine. Maybe they represent the beauty that a sudden change can make and then…

… sorry I lost my concentration.

Before they were lifted in the chair of fame and fortune they had their Bar and Bat Mitzvah’s the question is were you invited? Of course if you were a member of the Synagogue you could have had an open invitation but at 13 years old did they really look the star they are today. Would you have even guessed that the way they read their Torah portion was so distinct that it would make them the chosen people of Hollywood? Of course for my Non-Jewish friends this could have been a Christening but then you really would have been judging from the diapers and who wants to deal with that mess.

Those crackers won’t do but the stuff rotting outside taste just great. Do you have a dog critic in your life where only the finest food or most disgusting items will suit their appetite?  Of course they’ll eat anything made out of meat but after that their taste buds go in two different directions high quality and gross.   These dog critics throw Darwin’s Evolutionary Theory out the window as these four legged friends should have been extinct from their poor choices of survival.

With the “Ghetto Alarm” you’ll surely get out of bed quickly you just might hide under it instead. For this Alarm will wake you up to the sounds of the Ghetto during the rough times whether it be Police Sirens, Gang Banging, Bitches Fighting or the always pleasant gun shots blasting with this alarm it won’t be I need a few more minutes but where do I go now!  Don’t worry there is also White Trash Alarm & Salsa Goes Crazy so that you can wake to whatever crazy ethnicity you belong to.  Ghetto Alarm because you betta get up right now!

BREAKING NEWS- If you are missing your socks the two 4 legged “friends” (above) might be the culprit. The truth is their actually identity has been hidden to the public because they are only 1-5 years although their crimes seems past their age in socks. These criminals have even turned their criminal operation into a fashion statement as seen above, although I don’t believe Pink and Green really go together.  The 4 legged gang  has been prosecuted and sent to their room for now but this judge has a revolving door with justice as he is lenient to licks.  To make matters worse this gang continues to grow as it recruits younger members to take on this criminal enterprise. I wonder is any sock save?

If you set a good example by working hard and living a morale life others will follow… come on stop laughing! It’s not funny your family, friends and associates will be inspired by your extra hard work, what’s so funny? They will move in that direction of hard work and strong values it might take a few years, okay decades well maybe in a future life but you’ll see the results (I hope Heaven has a window).  So continue to set an example in everything you do for they will be watching and… laughing.