One who looks at my life now from the outside will never see the pain that has been absorbed inside. It will look like my walls are tight but I believe if I think too much about the past it could come tumbling down with just a strong breeze. So I move forward not giving much room for the pain except I STOP here (below) just for a moment of reflection and then go back to using it as a force to battle those winds.
(1) BABY ENDS- I was the baby of the entire family loved by everyone until those toddler years led to awkward moments of loneliness.
(2) DRIBBLING- Those awkward years started in pre-school where my coordination was less then perfect as clearly shown with my dribbling off the court and the constant teasing which occurred on it.
(3) LABELED- My first years of school memories are filled with the labels as I was put in a special ed class not as much for my lack of talents but more to do with my lack of self confidence and coordination. This occurred as my siblings moved to the top of the class.
(4) TEASING- This continued even though my performance at school started to shoot above the rest. Where days of humiliation were part of the act my neighbor’s parents 35 years my senior put on for me. Laughing at me even though I didn’t know I was in a performance. This also included dumped books at school, petty fights and teasing in front and behind me back.
(5) NO GROUP- When cliches were the scene I never seemed to fit in any particular role.
(6) VILE FALSE CHARGES- The time I spent recovering my body, mind and soul from charges based on vengeance and hate which any grammar school detective could have seen have taken their toll.
(7) LOVED ONE’S MENTAL HEALTH- It’s not easy when many of the loved one’s in your life have gone through episodes that continue to haunt your memories.
FOOTNOTE– So if someone says I can’t feel their pain in some way my body still aches with them even if it’s hidden deep in my soul.