Trust Others Above Oneself

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The hardest part about being insane is learning to trust others above one’s own mirror. Suddenly, I have to realize my mirror has a crack in it and what I’m seeing is actually distorted from the reality around M-E. What makes it worse is this also the audio tape that my ears  hear is so different compared to the world around M-E. I’m surrounded by perceptions that a small tablet suddenly change to fit the world around me. Yet when that pill suddenly doesn’t “work” or I forget to take it for whatever reason those around me become truly my eyes and ears . This picture and sound is totally distorted from the reality in front of M-E. Which makes me want to not believe anyone or anything at all!  Trusting others above myself is so hard especially since mistrust is part of my illness I carry along my path of life.

FOOTNOTE-  What a difficult and confusing world those with mental health issues walk.

Ghost…. Like

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I’m a ghost as those around me barely know I exist. It’s lonely but at least I can hear voices and see things that aren’t in their vision. I feel like I’m living the movie “Six Sense” because sometimes it appears they’re actually paying attention to me when later it feels as if they were only talking to what could have been. I can sense they walk around me in fear as they worry I’ll cause some poltergeist if they say “the wrong thing”.   Having a mental health condition can truly feel ghostly.

FOOTNOTE-  What one is afraid to say directly to you will be said indirectly to others as if your presence was never in the room.

Mental Health Virus

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I want to help you but I have to keep myself healthy to do so.  So if there is no way I can convince you to take your medicine then I guess I’ll just have to empathize with the pain.  It’s horrible but I have to keep a distance otherwise I’ll be dragged into your misery so deep I don’t think I’ll escape.  It’s so hard seeing you suffer unnecessarily but every time I take a deeper role you project the illness on M-E leading to such confusion and anger that I think I’m coming down with the illness.  Mental health isn’t a virus but it sure feels that way when trying to help someone who doesn’t accept the diagnosis.

F’D up Mental Health System

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The pieces are not fitting together. For, they say I have a sickness in the mind but then leave all the pieces on the floor for me to gather them with one hand tied behind my back.  After my hospital stay, there are few places I can go to ensure that I keep my feet on the ground, and unlike other illnesses when I have an episodic attack it affects many innocent people. I’ll repeat my stay at a hospital over and over again because this is an illness that never truly goes away but with transitional housing, my life and those around me would be much improved. This could be a place where there is a coach to help me regain my foothold in the job market, ensure I keep my proper medical treatment, and help find a community that builds on the strengths I’ve gained with treatment. Why does this only exist for those family members with means when this sickness affects us all in some way? The mental health system is truly just F’d up.

FOOTNOTE-    Thank G-D I found this type of housing for a loved one but I am one of the few where many, many others continue to suffer.

Missed Sunlight

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I just realized I missed the sunlight! My mind was filled with such darkness that I felt the clouds were continually over my head even as the sun pierced through. So many moments I’ve missed by having episodes of rage, hopelessness, and loneliness that have filled my skies in my mind.  Specks of sunlight passed through as therapy and treatment enabled me to see clearly but not enough to know that it was actually working. I wish I had listed to loved ones who had stood in the sunlight my mind covered for years previously but now I have and boy is the light brighter than ever.

FOOTNOTE- Time doesn’t stand still ones treatment should move forward as well.


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Who are they to tell you what to believe? You have a right to your own “thoughts” and they just don’t understand the pain that you have to go!  Yet I do and I’m not betraying you as they have again and again.  No!  You don’t some drugs to keep me at bay for I’m the only voice that truly cares about you and protects you even if you must stand alone!  Doctors, associates, “family” they’ve all betrayed you but I’ve been with your ever pain and I’ll stay as long as they don’t cause you to kill me away. I know it’s hard but at least I’m true to you!

FOOTNOTES- Sometimes the pain is all that appears real for those who suffer from mental health issues.


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There often appears to be a thin line between insanity and sanity especially to those who are suffering from mental health conditions. This is because those that are sick truly don’t understand what is occurring in their head.  It might seem odd to those that do not have these health issues but ask yourself when did it occur to you that your eye site or hearing got worse. Now add to that the tendency of denial due to the stigma of society and how triggers can make a person feel as if they have a sane reason to act the way they do and you can understand how this line can be blurred.  Here below are some that this line can be more easily seen and hopefully help those that might be suffering.


  • Withdrawing from social activities, or other activities that he or she used to enjoy
  • Losing the ability to handle day-to-day responsibilities
  • Expressing strange thoughts or delusional, exaggerated beliefs
  • Excessive nervousness or worry
  • Dramatic shifts in sleeping habits and appetite
  • Sudden and dramatic changes in mood (highs and lows)
  • Bizarre behavior
  • Apathy
  • Problems with memory, concentration, and attention
  • Depression
  • Extreme Anger

FOOTNOTE – The health notes above come from




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crying 3  Overdose 2

How far would someone go just to be in your company? Would you be scared or feel a bit powerful if they were willing to do almost anything just to be with you? Maybe a bit of both but how would it affect your ego and deal with future relationships… if you were alive to see them?  Having someone being obsessed over you probably has more to do with the persons own mental health issues then the great person you are but it could do damage to your head as well.  I have only had a few tears shed when the time a relationship ended but I have witnessed others go to the extremes and wonder what if it was me?