They appear to be on your side but in the end, listening to their advice only adds to the pain. Instigators whole hardily agree with your emotional state and add to it by provoking you to act out in a way that only adds TNT to your anger. Allies on the other hand emphasize with your pain but help direct you to a constructive path to deal with it so you don’t end up behind steel bars figuratively or for real. Instigators provoke reactions that are immediate and without long-term thinking ahead. So as much as you want a sympathetic ear makes sure it’s one you can handle past their words.